it all started with the name … you know, the name you submit for your blog.
i started with my name, but then it was rejected because someone else had the same name. i couldn’t believe it because my name is not a common name but apparently, someone in China has the same name as me. fyi, i’m not Chinese.
so i had to pick another name.
i thought about this for quite some time.
what will my blog be about? what is the passion of my life? i can say with absolute certainty that at one point in my life, it was music. i lived and breathed music. it was my life! i loved being a musician and it became my identity. but somewhere along the way, something happened. music, as great as it was (and is), couldn’t answer all of the big questions in my life. who am i? why am i here? why do i struggle? why is life so hard? i believe these questions are inevitable and everyone faces them at some point in their lives. i faced mine in my mid-twenties.
faith is a funny thing. i used to think it was something only “religious” people had, but the truth is, everyone has something they believe in. whatever it is, that in essence, is your faith. i guess you could say i spent a long time trying to figure out what was worth placing my faith in. i suppose it’s somewhat of a cliche, then, to say that i found Jesus, but the truth is, He found me. i never wanted God. what i really wanted and what i really tried to do, was to control my own life. the only problem was, the more i tried to control it, the more uncontrollable it got. but being stubborn as i was, i didn’t want to give up that control. until i hit rock bottom.
it’s interesting to me how a lot of people i know who struggle through life, will try everything else BUT God. i say this because i was one of those people. i think the problem with God is that if He really does exist, then it means we have to come to Him on His terms. we think this means the death of us, the death of our intelligence or even the death of our “freedom” to choose. on the contrary i know of no other way that offers more life and freedom and healing. i think the light bulb went off in my head one day when, after years of struggling through the why’s of life, it dawned on me that our world is broken. not put-a-bandaid-on-it broken or put-some-duct-tape-on-it broken, but something-is-seriously-wrong broken. and i began to realize that the assumptions that the Bible makes about us and our world, makes more sense than any other worldview. this is only my humble opinion of course, but i felt so compelled by this realization that i left my music career behind to “seek after” God.
this is my journey. Jesus said that what we need is not some superficial kind of change. we need a radical transformation that starts from the inside out. we need to be redeemed. not just our “religious” side, but everything! i believe Him. i believe in His kingdom … the upside down kingdom, where the first shall be last and the last shall be first. where the poor in spirit will be received into His kingdom and those who mourn will be comforted and all the rest of it. maybe you’re reading this and you’re thinking – oh great, just another religious fanatic! i hope not. religion never did anything for me. Jesus, on the other hand, has changed my life. The Good News is that He lived the life that i should have lived and died the death that i should have died. and because He did, i now have real hope.
don’t worry, i’m still a mess. i still don’t know what i’m doing. but it’s okay. i don’t have to measure up anymore. Jesus did that for me. now, i have the real freedom to live, to learn and to love. and this is my story …
