four words

sometimes you go through life and you feel like nobody really knows you and no one’s really listening and perhaps the worst fear of all, no one really cares. without a doubt i have been incredibly blessed in my life – a wonderful wife, great kids, several hundred friends (according to FB), a job i enjoy, etc. i really have no right to complain.  but sometimes i go through spells, whether it’s the lack of sunlight during the winter months or just my default cynical/pessimistic view of life and the world, where i just feel … melancholy. call it what you will – a midlife crisis, depression, wallowing in self pity – at times it can be very intense and it can leave me feeling very debilitated. often i don’t even know why i feel that way.

the past few weeks i’ve been quite snappish (sorry family) for no apparent reason. well, that’s not entirely true. there are reasons … but most of them are out of my control. while i was still in the midst of trying to process the state of my heart, a friend asked me how i was doing?  i decided to be honest and said – “not so good.”

“why?”

“i’ve just been feeling like i don’t belong anywhere. like i’m a square peg in a round world. i feel alone.”

then my friend said the most encouraging words. “i feel alone too.” and that broke the spell.

i think that’s all i needed to hear. just to know that someone else understands what i’m feeling because they feel it too. that i’m not really alone even though i feel that way. that there are others who feel the same way. maybe you need to hear those same 4 words. if you do, here they are.

i feel alone too.

inspiring youth

one of the things that’s been exciting around our house lately, is our son’s love and commitment to becoming a comic strip creator/artist. it seems clear to us (although we might be biased as his parents ) that he really does have a talent in this area. most kids’ heroes are sports stars or rock stars. my kid’s heroes are Charles M. Shullz and Bill Watterson. he reads their work almost every day. what’s even more amazing to us is that, ever since we got him a drafting desk for Christmas, he’s been creating a new comic strip every day! sometimes we get a little worried when it’s way past his bedtime and we look down the hall and his light is still on. but we know exactly what he’s doing. he’s working on his comics.

i thought when i had kids i would be the one to inspire them, but i’m discovering that more often than not, they’re the ones who are inspiring me. i don’t know how long this comic strip fascination will last for my son. i hope he becomes what he wants to be when he grows up. but for now, i’m so proud of him for loving what he does and being so committed to it.

Instant Isaac 1

Instant Isaac 1.

hopes and dreams

sometimes i look at my kids and i think – who are these people? obviously i see parts of my wife and myself in them, but more often than not, i see their own unique-ness shining through. when the kids were young, i had the naive expectation that they would, more or less, take after me or my wife. but as they’re growing older, i’m finding that they are very much becoming their own person. as their father i get the joy of watching them find their own way in the this world. my daughter in the last year has discovered the joys of (pop) music and pretty much sings and plays (guitar/piano/bass) nonstop. i think she would be happy to become a professional musician of some kind when she grows up. my son, on the other hand, has quite different hopes and dreams. he already knows exactly what he wants to be when he grows up … a comic strip creator/artist. this past Christmas, the only thing he wanted was a drafting desk where he could work on his comic strip creations. we were happy to get him one, and ever since, he has been creating at least one comic strip a day. we’ve recently helped him create his own comic strip blog where he could post some of his work and get some feedback. regardless of what happens in the future, i’m having fun watching my kids hope and dream right now.

late bloomer part 2

here’s the youtube post of my baby’s first song …